Ok. So let’s evaluate things a little bit. Yes I spend 90% of my time doing that anyway but I feel like putting it into text will help. The past year has been completely unacceptable. Yes I’ve had years like it before but I usually at the very least had someone to spend it with. It’s amazing the perspective loneliness can give.
I am going to fix my broken fucked up smile the best I can. I’m going to hate it. I am going to try and avoid it. IGNORE THIS FEELING. It’s only the crazy in my brain talking. I may not have the cash to do all the work I need done (only myself to blame for 1. being broke and 2. letting it get this bad). I need to try and not get discouraged. First step is getting my insurance all straightened out on Monday. Once I know I’m all covered, make an appointment ASAP. I want to get the ball rolling as soon as possible. If I can get the 3 front teeth I want fixed within the next 6-8 months I will have considered this a success. If I only get one or two done, that’s still better then what I’ve been doing.
I also need to stop putting these females so much further above me. I’ve been coming off slightly desperate and lonely and that is not at all me. I mean I AM lonely and I am pretty fucking sexually frustrated but guess what? When you have fucked up teeth and barely any cash, coming off like a desperate loser is only going to hurt an already damaged case. If by some act of God I get Kristin back or find someone new, awesome. If not, I’m still young. There will be more girls. I need to apply my life motto to girls a lot more. It’s really NTS if some girl texts me back or if I get a date or a kiss or laid or whatever. I mean Kristin….is kinda serious. But I do need to back off a little more on her too. The best move is to act mostly disinterested and see what comes to me. If nothing does, so be it.
I also want to try and get my finances straight. I started to get things all straightened out but fucked that all up at the beginning of the year when I bought my new PC right before having to pay bills. It was slightly necessary but I regret it slightly. Hopefully this will resolve itself mostly once I start working more. NO BORGATA TRIPS WHEN YOU’RE BORED. It’s relaxing and fun and didnt cost me any money last summer but I’d rather not put 600 dollar dents in my budget cause I got it in with middle set vs a donkey. I will still go once or twice this summer hopefully but I don’t want it to be the habit it was last summer.
I’m enjoying my new found empowerment and self awareness. I am pretty bummed with how fucked up my teeth are at the moment and I DO want Kristin back but sitting around getting drunk and being emo about it isn’t doing shit for either one of those goals. I really really want to keep this momentum going. I truly think the amount of writing I’ve been doing has really really helped my mental health and keeps me honest. Shit I’m writing for two different blogs now when I could never even keep up one. Even has me thinking I can write a book…
Holy fuck could I go for a kiss though right now. Sometimes it’s all I can ever think about with ex-wifey. I think I’d be less fixated on her if my only idea of affection wasn’t attached to her for the past 3 years…though me being me I find that slightly romantic but don’t think it’s the best case scenario…
